JoyinMarriage.blogspot.com: Developing Charity

“Working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club” (Gottman, 1999).

I want to incorporate the following 5 magical ways Dr. John Gottman says I can show my love to my husband and improve my marriage.

Partings

“Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening in your spouse’s life that day."

Time: 2 min X 5 work days = 10 min

Reunions

“Be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday."

Hug and kiss for 6 seconds after arriving home to your spouse

Stress reducing conversation for 20 minutes.

Time: 20 min X 5 days = 1 hr. 40 min

Admiration and Appreciation

"Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your spouse."

Time: 5 min X 7 days = 35 min

Affection

"Kiss, hold grab, and touch each other during the time you’re together. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep. Think of that kiss as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day…Lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner."

Time: 5 min X 7 days = 35 min

Weekly Date

"This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps and turn toward each other.”

2 hours each week = 2 hr

Total Weekly Time = 5 hours

By only investing 5 hours each week, my marriage can be strengthened!

One of the sweet blessings in my life has been that my husband and I have been going on a weekly date and I am so excited because I have a Special Surprise Date planned for us tonight!

I know this Adventure will strengthen our relationship and help us cherish one another more.

Our partings have been sweet, however, I could work on my reunions! Sometimes I am so busy and absorbed in what I am doing that I fail to show my love with a tender reunion.

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving, Gottman says, “Expressions of thanksgiving and praise are the antidotes to the poison of criticism and its deadly cousin, contempt."

I know we will see miracles in our marriage, if I offer at least one “genuine, heartfelt praise” to my honey each day, looking for the good in him, foregoing the criticism, and freely forgiving him and myself.

“Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down” (Ashton, 1992).

I need to be patient and non-judgmental as I accept my spouse’s differences, rather than magnify his faults and be annoyed, irritated, and inconvenienced by them…expecting him to change.