Consecrating Ourselves in Our Marriage

Treat your spouse with the same respect

and good manners

that you would

your boss or an acquaintance!

Gottman’s Recipe 
for Resolving Conflict

1.   Soften your startup

2.  Learn to make and receive repair attempts

3.  Soothe yourself and each other

4.  Compromise

5.       Be tolerant of each others faults

 “Discussions invariably end 
on the same note they begin”
(Gottman, 1999).

By being gentle, 
we can have meaningful conversations and find solutions to problems!

How I approach my husband and begin our conversation
makes all the difference in the world! 

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it up until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by" (Howard, 2003). 

When I get frustrated with my honey, I have to calm back down, so I can love him better.

Some of Gottman’s Self-Soothing Techniques

     Sit in a comfortable chair or lie on your back on the floor.

  Focus on controlling your breathing. 
Focus on taking deep, regular breaths.

   Tighten, hold for two seconds, and then release tension in one muscle groups one at a time to promote relaxation.

    Let tension flow out of each muscle group.

Use guided imagery to focus and calm down.

I am a fan of guided imagery and I am trying to learn how to deep breathe properly to provide a multitude of physical and emotional health benefits. 

I am so excited, we have been having a weekly date 
ever since September!

This coming weekend, I have a very special, Surprise date night planned for my husband and I! He has Absolutely NO idea where we will be going, but I have told him to have a bag packed, because as soon as he gets off work, we will be on an Adventure! 

Am I willing to give away all of my petty grievances in my marriage to know God? (Alma 22:18).

Until I am ready to “give away all my sins” by giving up my petty grievances in my marriage, I am not ready to truly know the Savior. 

He is waiting for me to come unto Him. 

Am I ready to overlook and to forgive in a charitable fashion? 

My heart is softening more and more each day! I will continue to strive to put off the "natural criticizing woman" in me and look to the eternal potential in my good husband. 

I am ready to fully live the law of consecration in my marriage.

Gottman, J. M. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Random House. 
Howard, F. Burton, "Eternal Marriage", General Conference April 2003. 

Managing Conflict

The Dandelions of Life

Be Thou Humble

Beware of Pride

“The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others.

God has asked us to do the opposite.

We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others”

(Goddard, 2009).

News flash…

Because the source of my irritations with my husband most likely won’t just go away,

I get to learn to deal with annoyances in a Christlike manner

and forego my pride to not escalate negativity.

“Appreciating is more powerful than correcting”

(Goddard, 2009).

It is my choice to demonstrate charity, the pure love of Christ, for my husband.

I have decided turn toward the House of the Lord and the covenants we have made.

Rather than remain frustrated, I desire to feel compassion for my husband in my heart.

“The antidote for pride is humility”

(Benson, 1989).

Upon occasion, I have had to eat some humble pie!

The Subtle Nature of Pride

The adversary sneakily introduces pride into our hearts and mind.

It is easy to see the small areas where our spouse has weaknesses,

but we tend to gloss over our own or hold a double standard.

I am trying to submit myself in complete humility to the Lord and His wisdom.

I desire to be the clay in the potter’s hands in all aspects of my life.

Submission of my will requires enormous amounts of faith and trust in my Savior

and letting go of my fears, anxieties, and my attempt to control life.

I want Him to make of me what He desires to make of me as

a woman, a daughter, a wife, a mother, and a grandmother.

Learning to discern promptings from the Holy Ghost

and following through with my impressions

has been a tremendous aspect of my soul’s excavation.

I am learning to rely on the Savior every day and I am loving this incredible experience!

Another tender aspect in my personal transformation has been mutual appreciation in our marriage through our talks, councils, and activities to enhance our friendship.

My husband is developing greater love, respect, appreciation, and honor for me.

While I am polishing these same Christlike perspectives for him.

My gratitude continues to grow for my husband!

Humility

• Forgiving those who have offended us. (Nephi 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10)
• Rendering selfless service. (Mosiah 2:16-17)
• Getting to the temple more frequently.
• Confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God.           (D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25-26; Alma 5:7-14,49)
• Loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (3 Nephi 11:11; 3 Nephi 13:33; Moroni 10:32)

Although it may not be possible to live these Christlike virtues

every single day of my life,

I can take nightly inventory of how my day went,

repent,

and set goals to do better the next day.

With the help of the Savior’s Atonement, we can do all things!

“Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, 
when we don’t judge or categorize someone else, 
when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet…

None of us need one more person bashing or pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family…who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we’re trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses…

The adversary…loves to see us criticize each other…

The Savior wants us to develop the “virtues of love, compassion, forgiveness, and long-suffering…qualities that enable us to deal with our fellowman more compassionately…

The best and most clear indicator that we are progressing spiritually and coming unto Christ is the way we treat other people…

Be one who nurtures and who builds.

Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart,

who looks for the best in people…

If the adversary can influence us to…find fault, bash, and undermine, 
to judge or humiliate or taunt,

half his battle is won.

Why?

Because…it…neutralizes us spiritually”

(Ashton, 1992).

I must Always look for the good in my husband

and strive to always recognize his divine potential.

I must treat him as the God in embryo that he is.

We cannot afford to be neutralized spiritually!

Ashton, M. J. “The tongue can be a sharp sword”, General Conference, April 1992.

Benson, E.T. “Beware of pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 4-7.

Goddard, H. Wallace, (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage. Cedar Hills, UT, Joymap Publishing.

Gottman, J. M. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Random House.