In Laws or Out Laws???
Don't get me
wrong...I love my in laws!
Creating Healthy Ties
But
newlyweds must establish their own marital identity.
This
is where the leaving and cleaving comes in from Genesis 2:24.
Inspired
advice to newlyweds:
“Couples do well to immediately find their own
home,
separate and apart from that of the in-laws on
either side”
(Kimball,
2002).
My
husband and I had a separate home when we married,
however it was right next door to his folks!
however it was right next door to his folks!
Along
with our location, my husband also worked on the farm long, hard hours
every
single day in an enmeshed relationship with his parents.
We
didn’t get the time or the space to grow independently into a united marriage.
“One of the great gifts parents-in-law can
give to their married children
is to recognize early that they must help
define and protect the boundary of this new couple”
(Fischer,
1983).
“The husband needs to
realize that
strengthening his marriage
and making certain that
his wife feels secure with him
strengthening his marriage
and making certain that
his wife feels secure with him
is the biggest single thing
he can do to help his wife and his mother
develop a quality relationship”
(Ades, 2003).
develop a quality relationship”
(Ades, 2003).
When
family relationships and work are enmeshed, proper loyalties become distorted.
Time and
forgiveness have been necessary to help heal my wounded
heart.
Establishing our Marriage Identity
Even many
years into a marriage, you can establish your marriage identity…for that is
exactly what we have been striving to do!
The
Lord has helped immensely to soften and change my heart regarding old wounds.
Healing
is occurring due to us learning how to actually place each other as our top
priority.
I say
learning, because we are not perfect at it yet.
This late life learning has been an Exhilarating experience!
This late life learning has been an Exhilarating experience!
I
guess we saved the best for last!
We are yielding our hearts to the Lord and now to each other,
causing us to begin to
purify and sanctify our lives in exponential fashion.
We are yielding our hearts to the Lord and now to each other,
causing us to begin to
purify and sanctify our lives in exponential fashion.
Since
we have to know the bitter, before we can understand sweet…we are now in a very
sweet time of our life, recognizing where we can now make longed for changes to
our own perceptions and in our relationship. This is giving our marriage a new,
healthy, inspired direction.
Over the
years, as we intentionally sacrificed to be in the House of the Lord for each
of our wedding anniversaries on our annual pilgrimage over 1,000 miles to get
the privilege and honor to be in the House of the Lord, these priorities helped
us to recommit to our marriage.
As we renewed our
covenants with the Lord, we gained enough faith
to face the momentous challenges in our marriage.
Our
annual renewal of our covenants together is what
saved our marriage
in the low times!
saved our marriage
in the low times!
What
it all comes down to is me increasing my faith and trusting with all my heart
in the Lord.
I will
find increased contentment and joy in my marriage, as I love, forgive, and
serve my husband.
Ades, L. L. (2003). Predictors of the quality of the relationship between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law, Dissertation Abstracts International-B, 63(1), 4909.
Fischer, L.R. (1983). Mothers and mothers-in law, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 45(1), 187-192.
Kimball, S.W. (2002). Oneness in marriage, Ensign October, 32(10), 40.
